I recently witnessed it at a networking event.
It was conference and it was the welcome mixer. Everyone was mixing, mingling, and there were occasional heartfelt reunions where you would see genuine hugging and laughter. I had my own as a saw a friend of mine and fellow BRANDido (term of endearment of those who participate in #branchat – a Twitter chat all about branding).
Then, there was that guy. You know – the one who wants to meet all the “important people”.
I didn’t have speaker on my badge. And, he didn’t recognize the business so he said his hello, how are you, is this your first time at this conference and quickly disengaged.
But, before he left he asked for my Twitter handle so we can follow each other (which is code for so you can follow me).
Then, he stopped where he was walking to. Our digital manager pegged it first. He leaned over to me and said, “he just read your Twitter profile and now you’re someone worth knowing.”
And, he turned around and asked me – so you are the head of #brandchat?
Sorry mate! Those kind of networkers are a dime a dozen. Sadly, I don’t even remember his name to try to disguise it for this post.
They are the card collectors and the people who work through and use people. If you’ve ever seen the movie, The Internship, he’s the Grant.
Don’t be that guy.
Look at the person not the name tag
I have always said that you never know who someone is, who they will become or who they influence.
Then, I come across those networkers that are reading name tags, or follower count, fans or even titles to gauge if someone is “worth” talking to.
In order to make good connections, people have to have the opportunity to sample your character and competence and you must also take the opportunity to sample someone else’s character and competence. This means getting to know them.
It’s also good to burn useless bridges, according to Gregory Ciotti.
“This skill is an absolute must to learn.
Eventually, you’re going to come across “leeches,” people who you’ve connected with but don’t see the relationship as give-and-take, more like, “How much can I get out of you?”
Networking is supposed to help you grow your business by meeting genuinely awesome people, not create a network of vultures who only reach out to you when they need something.
Cut these people off, and fast, you don’t need anyone holding you back.”
Be in the now
How many times have we heard that grunt of “uh huh” or that “oh yeah” that didn’t really have any meaning behind it.
At a networking event, if you’re thinking who this person could connect you with or what you can get from them, it’s tough to focus on the “now”.
When your mind is in the future, it is busy strategizing and you cannot hear and be fully present to the person that you’re with.
How can you help?
Do you know how you help others? And, how do you deliver value to their lives?
When you network, if you help people in any aspect of their lives they see you as someone who can be helpful – regardless of the area of their life they need help.
It is the authentic desire to help that makes all the difference.
It is why when you network that quality beats out quantity. If you can have a quality conversation with someone (one where you learn what they need help with our how you can help), and if you leave your “sales focus” at the door and focus on the person, you can not only develop the “know, like and trust” factor faster, you can solidify a relationship and loyalty.
It’s not givers gain
I’ve never liked that phrase. It sounds like the motive is to gain something and in order to do that you’ll give something in exchange.
It seems very transactional and not relational.
Any networking event I’ve gone to when that’s chanted has felt like a group of people swarming others to find out “what makes them tick” and then to descend upon that information with the goals of giving something and expecting reciprocation in return.
It just never felt right.
In fact, it often brought to mind a question and answer lesson a good friend of mine, Jose Zertuche, would always share with me. He would ask, “What’s the difference between a salesperson and a con man especially when both can be so charismatic?” His response, “intent”. What’s your intent?
In giver’s gain, the intent to me seems solely focused on the giver with the focus (from the get go) to get that other to reciprocate.